The Little-Remembered Wizarding War of 1975
by TheNextFolchart
Summary: The food fight had started nine days ago, on the first morning of the Christmas holiday, when Snape had looked at James the wrong way during breakfast and sent the latter into a frenzy that had resulted in a single egg being thrown across the Great Hall.


**The Little-Remembered Wizarding War of 1975**

* * *

_December 31, 1975_

_ We lost several brave soldiers tonight. Morale is low. The enemy has nearly taken the castle, but luckily a few strongholds have held out. I fear I am the only one with the skill to lead us to victory, and—_

"Really, Sirius?" Lily reached over and snatched the journal from his hand.

"Oy!" Sirius leaned over and yanked the book back. "I wasn't finished writing!"

"What could you possibly be writing?"

"A war journal." He flipped back to the entry he'd been writing. "For the future generations. In case we don't make it out of here."

Lily skimmed the paragraph over his shoulder. "'We lost several brave soldiers tonight?' Who did we lose?"

"Remus. Peter."

"But why are you acting like they _died_?"

"What?" Sirius reread his entry. "Where did I say they died?"

"You literally just wrote that we lost them!"

"We did." Sirius pointed vaguely toward the door—he and Lily were hiding in the kitchens, crammed beneath a counter while the House-Elves scurried around them. The position was uncomfortable, but it was a good strategy; whenever they ran low on ammunition, the elves were more than happy to help replenish their supply. "We lost Remus to his Transfiguration homework and we lost Peter to detention with Filch."

"You're being ridiculous."

"Luckily, James is still out there on the battlefield, so we've got a _chance _at lasting the night_._"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Will you stop bringing up James? We have other people on our side, you know. Why do you always single him out?"

"Why do you always get so worked up about James?" Sirius wiggled his eyebrows.

Lily blew out a breath. "As long as the Slytherins don't decide to leave the Great Hall—"

"They won't." Sirius glanced at the picnic basket between them. "There's no way they have enough ammo. And as long as we're here controlling the supply, they don't stand a chance."

A loud crash at the entrance of the kitchen sent the house-elves into a frenzy. Lily sprang up and drew her wand. "It's an ambush!" A group of three Slytherins barged into the room. "Quick! The ammo!"

Sirius dove for their magically enhanced picnic basket and plunged both hands inside. With a warlike whoop, he extracted two large apple pies and hurled them toward the enemy. The Slytherins dodged the food, returning fire with handfuls of mashed potatoes; Sirius used the picnic basket as a shield and then withdrew a bottle of ketchup and aimed carefully.

"Well, well, well," said one of the enemies. Lily recognized her as Emma Vanity, captain of the Slytherin Quidditch team and—as Sirius was fond of reminding everyone—one of the many, many girls harboring a secret crush on Sirius. "Look what we have here. Gryffindors in Slytherin territory."

"The kitchens are neutral territory." Sirius jabbed the ketchup bottle toward the group like a sword.

Lily slid her hand into their picnic basket and drew a mustard bottle from one of the pockets. "If you know what's good for you, you'll let us walk out of here without any trouble."

Vanity glanced around. The Slytherins on either side of her pulled eggs from their pockets and cocked their arms. "It seems to me you're outnumbered." She took a step toward Sirius. "If you know what's good for _you, _you'll surrender now. Join us…or _die_."

Sirius smirked. "Come on, Vanity. We both know this war isn't the only reason you want me to join you."

Vanity narrowed her eyes. "If you think—"

"No, really, it's okay. You wouldn't be the first Slytherin to fall for my charms."

Vanity's jaw dropped. The Slytherins on either side of her shifted uncomfortably. "How _dare—_"

Lily rolled her eyes. "I hate to break up this weird little one-sided love fest, but can we get back to the _war_ before I throw up in my mouth?"

Sirius raised his eyebrows as his gaze shifted from Vanity to Lily. "My, my, my. Is that jealousy I detect, Evans?"

"I—"

"I'm flattered, of course. But shouldn't someone should tell James?"

"That's not—"

"Or _Snivellus_!"

Lily turned and aimed her mustard bottle at Sirius. "No, please, keep talking."

Sirius grinned. "Defensive, aren't we? If that isn't a sure sign of true love, then I don't know what—"

A series of three dull _thumps _interrupted her, followed by agonized shrieks from the Slytherins. Tensing, Sirius and Lily both aimed their condiments toward the new threat.

"No!" cried Vanity, clutching at the back of her head. "It can't end like this!"

Together, the Slytherins sank to their knees, revealing the figure of a Gryffindor fifth-year. With a homemade slingshot in one hand and a bowl of oatmeal in the other, he grinned over the fallen enemies at his comrades.

"Noticed you two were in a bit of trouble," said James Potter with a quick nod. "Afternoon, Evans."

* * *

The food fight had started nine days ago, on the first morning of the Christmas holiday, when Snape had looked at James the wrong way during breakfast and sent the latter into a frenzy that had resulted in a single egg being thrown across the Great Hall.

Since then, the brawl had escalated into an all-out war. The entire school had chosen sides: the Gryffindors immediately went on the offensive, swarming the grounds, while the Slytherins had laid claim to the Great Hall. The Hufflepuffs had had an initial advantage, due to their common room's proximity to the kitchens (and thus, the ammunition), but they had long since been defeated. The Ravenclaws had constructed a pirate ship and floated happily on the Black Lake, where they could fire meatballs from cannons while remaining virtually untouchable by any of the other armies…until the Gryffindor and Slytherin Quidditch teams had formed a temporary alliance and taken them out with an aerial attack.

There had been initial pushback by the staff, but Dumbledore had declared that as long as no one got hurt, there didn't seem to be any harm in the students "letting off steam" in such a creative manner. Of course, there were rules: no one was permitted to use magic to fling food, for one thing, and anyone who got hit with food was out. Classrooms were off-limits. And the winning House would get…well, no one was sure. The glory of a war well won, perhaps.

"I still don't understand how you knew Vanity had us cornered," Lily said as she and Sirius followed James down toward the Great Hall.

James threw her a wink over his shoulder. "Let's just say I have my methods."

"Unless you've got a Trace on everyone in the bloody castle, I don't see what—"

Sirius started to cough so wildly that he nearly dropped their enchanted picnic basket.

Lily glanced at him sideways. "What's the matter with you?"

He cleared his throat. "Must've just inhaled wrong."

"Great." Lily rolled her eyes. "We're in the middle of a war, and my partner can't even remember how to breathe properly."

"Nobody said you had to be my partner. Go join the Slytherins if you'd rather pair up with someone else."

Lily pursed her lips. "You know why I can't do that."

"Oh, right, because of what your greasy ex-boyfriend called you last year during—"

"Sirius, I swear to Merlin, if you bring him up again I will squirt you with mustard until every inch of your body is permanently yellow."

"Ooh." He smirked. "You promise?"

"Quiet, you two." James pressed himself against the wall and beckoned with his head toward the doorway. They had reached the Great Hall. "It's not empty."

Together, the Gryffindors peered around the corner. Lily bit her lip. Sure enough, Severus Snape and three other Slytherins—including Regulus Black—were stationed inside, their table piled high with food to throw.

"We've got them surrounded," James whispered. "Frank and Alice are at the east door. McKinnon is at the staff entrance. Remus is supposed to meet us here—"

Sirius shook his head and looked at the floor. "We lost Remus."

James swore. "He got hit?"

"Worse. He quit to do his homework."

Lily squeezed her eyes shut and willed herself not to hit him. "So what's the plan?"

James looked pointedly at the picnic basket. "Did you complete your mission?"

Lily nodded and opened the basket. "Four sets of Hufflepuff robes. Lucky the kitchens and the laundry chambers are next to each other."

"Perfect." James extracted the sets of mustard-colored robes and handed them out, dropping the final set on the floor and saluting it in memory of Remus. "Put them on. Everyone knows Hufflepuff's out, so the Slytherins won't waste ammunition on anyone in yellow."

Lily wrinkled her nose. "You really think that will work?"

"It'll buy us a few seconds. And that's all we need."

Lily ducked into her robes. They were far too small. "These must be for first-years." She tugged hard on the sleeves. "They're so uncomfortable."

"Color blends in well with your condiment of choice, though," said Sirius. "Snape won't see your mustard gun coming."

Lily swallowed and redoubled her grip on the mustard. "Okay. Let's go."

With a silent nod, James led the three into the Great Hall.

* * *

It was, as everyone had expected, a bloodbath.

Sure, the Gryffindors outnumbered the Slytherins, but the Slytherins had more food to throw. The disguises had only worked for a moment; Snape had recognized them almost instantly, and had jumped to his feet with a roar of, "ATTACK," but luckily the Slytherins had focused so hard on Lily, James, and Sirius that they had missed Frank, Alice, and Marlene sneaking in behind them.

Within moments, the air was filled with flying ammunition.

"They're throwing _pizza!_" Lily shrieked, crouching behind a potted plant.

From his place behind a suit of armor, James swore. "It's genius! The toppings fly off in midair and give them a better shot at hitting us. We should have thought of it!"

"Mmmph!" added Sirius from under the Gryffindor table.

"What?" Lily looked down at him, and then let her jaw drop in horror at the sight of his bulging cheeks. "Sirius Black! _Are you really eating pizza in the middle of this_?"

Sirius said something that sounded like, "Shut up, Evans."

"For Gryffindor!" James jumped out of hiding and used his slingshot to pitch oatmeal toward Snape just as Snape sent a slice of chocolate cake back at James. The cake connected with Jame's elbow; Snape spun out of the way of the oatmeal, but it collided with Regulus' forehead, prompting a loud string of profanity from both parties.

"James!" Sirius jumped up. "No!"

"I've got you now, Black!" Snape tossed a slice of pizza. Sirius used the picnic basket to deflect it, but the toppings splattered on impact and rained down on his head.

Lily bit her lip and tried to assess the situation. She had used up all her mustard shooting (unsuccessfully) at the Slytherins. She could see Marlene and Alice, both crying and covered in tomato sauce, from the corner of her eye, and two Slytherins with something orange dribbling down their fronts. By her count, that meant that only she, Frank, and Snape were left. Which meant….

"Snape!" yelled Frank Longbottom. "Come and get me, you coward!"

"Don't," screamed Snape, "call me coward!"

Lily crawled toward the picnic basket and grabbed the first thing her fingers touched: an egg.

The world seemed to move in slow motion.

She got to her feet.

Snape hurled a cupcake.

Frank went down.

She cocked her arm.

Snape spun to look at her.

She released the egg.

His eyes—eyes that hadn't made contact with her own since that horrible day last spring—widened, and for a moment, she desperately wished she could take it back—all of it—the egg, the tears, the way she had refused to listen, refused to forgive him, refused to make the others stop teasing him, refused to _be there for him_—for a moment, she _wanted him back_—

The egg broke against his forehead.

Time sped up again. Cheers from the Gryffindors exploded around her. Sirius clapped her on the back. Snape wiped yolk from his face and stared at her with an expression that was equal parts disbelief, anger, and pain.

James put his hands on her shoulders and spun her to face him.

"We've won!" He was grinning from ear to ear. "Evans! You just won literally the most important war of our lives! I could—I could kiss you!"

Over his shoulder, she saw Snape duck his head and walk briskly out of the Great Hall.

"Do it," she said suddenly.

"What?"

"Kiss me."

He seized the front of her stolen, mustard-colored robes and lowered his lips to hers.

She felt _uncomfortable._

* * *

**Quidditch League Round 6: Much Ado About Shakespeare**

**Holyhead Harpies**

**Word Count: **2191 (MacBook Pages)

**Beater One: **War. Write a fic set during a wizarding war (either one we know about or one of your own creation).

1\. (word) uncomfortable  
3\. (dialogue) "Are you really eating pizza in the middle of this?"  
6\. (colour) mustard  
12\. (action) writing  
15\. (object) picnic basket


End file.
